Secrets
by ComebackOfTheYear
Summary: Hermione reflects on her son's life during his graduation ceremony at Hogwarts. HG/SB
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Secrets (1/2)**

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I apologize for any missed mistakes in this chapter, I am without a beta. This idea came to me while I was in the middle of writing Burned, and I'm just about to finish up the final chapter to that story. This story is set up somewhat similar to Burned in that I'm using flashbacks to tell most of the story. R&R!**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Summary: Hermione reflects on her son's life during his Hogwarts graduation ceremony. HG/SB**

He kept glancing around, actively searching for her. She ducked with a smile, knowing it would only serve to frustrate him even further that he couldn't find his dear old mum. Hermione gave a sigh as she finally sat up straight in her chair after a few moments, watching from the crowd at the newly graduated class of Hogwarts. Oh, how she remembered her own graduation day. But, she knew her son, and despite his anxiousness, Hermione knew that he was bubbling with excitement ready to start his life.

She heaved another heavy sigh. Yes, he would begin his new life, and much to her dismay, he had chosen the career path of his father. While she was unhappy with his decision – and she made it known as is that nature of mothers – it was his life to lead.

Hermione knew her young son wanted to make his father proud despite never actually having met the man. What he knew of him came from bedtime stories and tales that she had regaled him with when he was much younger. And, she watched as he grew – a spitting image of his father, she might add – that he wished so dearly that his father was a part of his life.

Jerking her out of her thoughts, Hermione looked to the stage, Dumbledore coming to stand in front of the podium to begin his speech. She knew he gave the same one each year – it was a fairly good speech she thought - and she let herself drift back into her memories.

"_Muuuuummm," the young boy whined, stretching each syllable of the word rather annoyingly as he pulled her arm towards the familiar shop in Diagon Alley. "Come on, Mum!"_

_Hermione only smiled down at him, "Patience, Rigel, we have all day."_

"_But it's _Ollivander's._" And it was all she could do to bite back a smile knowing his eager feeling all too well at the notion of finally owning a wand. And with that, she let her son drag her into the shop, pulling her along almost roughly. "I've waited a long time for this," he quipped._

"_Yeah, all eleven hellish years of your life." He shot her a look at her sarcastic remark, and she started at his spitting image of his father._

"_And who might we have here?" Mr. Ollivander came into view, a shocked expression on his face when he eyes landed upon Rigel. Not much shocked Mr. Ollivander, Hermione mused, and it was a good thing that even he didn't know of Rigel's existence up until now._

"_Rigel Black." Her son answered with a grin, thrusting his hand out for the older gentleman to shake._

_Ollivander's eyes flitted to Hermione, and she could almost hear the gears turning in his head, quickly working at the situation. "Ah, yes, I was wondering when Mr. Black's son would appear." It was Hermione's turn to shot him a puzzled look, but, then again, he was Ollivander, and as to not upset the boy he continued, "Now, let's get down to business, shall we? Eager to find a wand, my young boy?" Ollivander asked as he watched Rigel already perusing the shelves. "He's going to be a powerful one." He whispered to the boy's mother, and she nodded as she watched as her son walked by boxes upon boxes of stacked wands, all trembling with magical energy when he passed them._

"_Mr. Ollivander, I know wands normally pick their wizard counterpart, but I was thinking a dragon heartstring core set in vine wood, like Mum."_

"_Now Rigel…"_

"_Quite alright, Miss Granger. Let's see what we can do here." Ollivander ran his finger down a selected column of wands, and stopped, tapping a box and pulling it from its home. "Yes, well. Dragon heartstring, vine wood." Pulling the top of the box off, he presented the wand to Rigel who enthusiastically snatched it up. He scowled as the wand pulled itself away from him and tossed it back into its box carelessly. Yes, he did have quite a few traits of his father in him, that much was sure._

"_I figured that the vine wood would not agree with you." At Rigel's stunned looked, "You did request it, my boy." Pulling another box from the shelf behind him, Ollivander presented Rigel with a second wand. "Ah, yes, the dragon heartstring core will suit you well – powerful indeed, how about walnut then? It's for those witches and wizards who are highly intelligent, like your mother and father." Hermione blushed at his compliment before clearing her throat, clearly uncomfortable at the mention of the boy's father._

"_You know my father?" Rigel asked, all but forgetting the wand he was now holding._

"_Ah, well, it seems this one isn't a good fit either. Must be the core. Shall we try phoenix?" The old man said, effectively dismissing Rigel's question. "This is the rarest of all the cores." He presented Rigel with yet another wand, "Dogwood." He continued at the youngster's questioning look._

_While the wand quivered with excitement when her son's hand grasped it, Hermione knew that yet again, this was not the wand for him, close as he may be. Impatient, Rigel let his temper get the better of him, "I'm never going to find a wand."_

"_Dogwood, rather complicated wood that is, mischievous and all. I would almost think that would've been it for sure." Ollivander began walking away, leaving Rigel and Hermione alone. "They refuse to perform non-verbal spells, and I suspect you'll be wanting to do that in the future I believe. No, that wand won't do at all." They could hear him as he murmured to himself as he continued toward that back of the store._

"_Mum, it's hopeless." She could see the hurt look in his eyes, the phoenix and dogwood wand still in his hand._

"_Rigel, patience." She repeated, " It took me a good hour to find a perfect fit of a wand for me. It's not something you want to rush into."_

"_Ah, yes. I think I found it. I had almost forgotten about this particular wand." Ollivander blew off a coating of dust from the impressive looking box, and opened it. Before he could finish removing the top, the wand glowed a brilliant green. As Rigel reached his hand for it, it shuddered so violently with excitement that Ollivander had to use a second hand to steady the carton._

_Hermione watched entranced as her son took hold of the wand and the brilliant green glow became even more pronounced, a wind kicking up in the shop before it slowly died down._

"_What is it?" Rigel immediately asked with a grin plastered over his face._

"_Red oak with a Chimaera Scale core, 12.5 inches, supple. A very rare, and very powerful wand, Mr. Black. I've only ever sold one other."_

"_But, I thought, well Mum said, and in the books - "_

"_That I only use dragon heartstring, unicorn hair, and phoenix? Yes, well, this is a business, Mr. Black, and I do take special requests." With a smile, he continued, "Give it a swish and a flick then." At Rigel's uncertain looked Ollivander pressed him, "Go on."_

_Rigel flicked it elegantly. And Hermione mused proudly that he must get that from his mother. The wand responded instantly, a perfect fit for him. _

_While she paid for the wand, Hermione noticed her son fidgeting with the hem of his shirt nervously. _

"_Who was the other person who you sold a wand like this too?" Rigel finally mustered._

"_A Mr. Sirius Black. His mother specifically requested it, and as was the norm with the Blacks. I found that the red oak suited him rather well, what with his quick temper and all. You know, red oak is perfect for a dueling wand, and the owner is rewarded with uncommonly quick reactions. Of course, this is why Mrs. Black had it made, what with her husband's heritage and all. And now look at him, an Auror of all things! Quite an expensive wood as well, and good looking to boot." Ollivander rambled. However, Rigel remained intent._

"_My dad had the same wand?"_

"_It would seem so, boy. Funny how things like this turn out, yeah?" _

_Hermione ushered her son out the door rather quickly._

Rigel had had many questions that night, and at eleven years of age, she had finally conceded in giving him the answers he so desperately wanted. _"An Auror." He breathed, fascinated. "My dad, an Auror."_ Yes, an Auror indeed, she thought darkly. An Auror, who was very successful, so successful, in fact, that had those who he was hunting known he had a son, they would surely be dead by now. In telling him of his father's current career, she had smartly left out his past, fearing that her son would be scarred at such a young age. But no, he was resilient and came to her a few years later, thrusting an old copy of The Daily Prophet in front of her with a picture of a wanted man gracing the cover.

It was a hard night that night he showed her the worn newspaper he dug up. The two of them stayed up into the early hours of the morning, Hermione filling him in on every facet of his father pulling out photos of the two of them together even. _"I'm so sorry Ri, I'm so so sorry. I needed to protect you, to protect us."_ But, in true Gryffindor form, he had forgiven her quickly, understanding where she came from.

That wasn't to say it wasn't a hard decision for her to remove herself from much of the Wizarding World, to all but disappear, but to not _see_ him, to not touch him, to not kiss, or laugh with him hurt the most. But the safety of her son was much more important. And so, it was with a heavy heart, that Hermione made the decision to withhold telling Sirius Black that he fathered a son.

Hermione was surprised to find out that he didn't go looking for Sirius after that night. Surely he would have, having such tendencies as his father. After questioning Rigel on his decision he had told her that he wasn't quite ready yet, and she didn't press him any further on the issue. Frankly, she breathed a sigh of relief at his timid confession, for she wasn't ready either.

Oh, would you look at that, the opening speeches were finished, and Hermione eagerly waited for her son to cross the stage. And just like that, his turn was over, and she vaguely paid attention to the rest of the names, only perking up at the names of Potter and, of course, a Weasley. Hermione chuckled, yes, a Weasley would be here. Was that a Lupin too? Merlin, she had missed so much.

In fact, Rigel barely talked about his friends at Hogwarts, but she suspected that the youngest Potter and the Weasley girl were good friends of his. She worriedly wondered if her son had told them of his father. Not that it mattered much; he was under the safety of Hogwarts. However, Hermione remotely wondered how he had managed to keep his identity under wraps for the past seven years. Clever young boy that he was, he probably came up with something pretty ingenious were someone to ask. Perhaps he just ignored their question all together, he seemed to be in the habit of doing that lately with her questions that she had of her own.

She had been doing fine, well even, until Rigel had gotten his letter from Hogwarts. Even through that, she had managed. But, her breaking point had been when he came home for summer before his sixth year, brandishing a cocky attitude that was _so_ reminiscent of his father that she almost burst into tears at the thought of the man.

"_Mum, I have something to tell you." Rigel started softly at dinner one night. Hermione swallowed hard, was this the time to have THAT talk already? Wasn't he just eleven years old, eager to impress? Oh how, she wasn't ready for this. Had he gotten a girl pregnant? Merlin, she could kill him if that was the case._

"_And that would be?" Hermione prompted at his silence._

"_I - " he stopped, composing himself. She hadn't seen him this nervous since the holidays of his fourth year when he told her that he was an unregistered Animagus. How fitting she had thought, when he transfigured himself in front of her. Yes, fitting indeed, as his form took that of a German Shepherd. Sometimes she wished that the aura of his father didn't permeate his entire being despite the lack of Sirius being present in the boy's life._

"_Rigel, please, what is it that you have to say?" He got that trait from her when she was nervous. His mind working faster than his mouth so much so that his mouth refused to spit out what he needed to say._

_Hermione watched as her son took a deep breath, and she was almost certain that he would proclaim that he had gotten one of his countless classmates pregnant. _

"_After school," he started, "I'm going to go off to university, but I'm going to become an Auror after the mandatory 3 years." He paused gulping even more nervous than before, continuing, "Maybe a Hit-Wizard."_

_Well. That wasn't what she expected at all. The sound of her fork hitting her plate jarred her out of her subsequent shock, anger sweeping over her in waves. Taking a deep breath of her own, Hermione contemplated his latest revelation. Would he ever cease to surprise her?_

_There were two ways in which she could go about dealing with the situation at hand. Her first instinct was to tell him no, that being an Auror much less a Hit-Wizard was exactly what they worked so hard to protect him from. However, she couldn't deny that he wouldn't excel at the job, becoming a brilliant Auror. She couldn't deny him what he wanted so much to do._

"_Mum?" Rigel prompted, his food sitting untouched since they began their conversation._

"_Is this because of your father?" _

"_Mum…" _

"_Is it, Rigel?"_

"_I – I don't know. Maybe? I've just been thinking about it a lot lately, and I can't see myself cooped up as some teacher or sitting in a cubicle. I'll have the N.E.W.T.s to get into the program, I know I will. I have the O.W.L's to get into the Hit-Wizard program now," He rushed as it finally dawned on him that his mother hadn't said that it wasn't out of the question. "I mean, I got eleven. Outstanding in all but Divination." Ah yes, Divination, the bane of her existence during her Hogwarts years. Apparently her son had the same notion. "I have to have a minimum of 5 N.E.W.T.s with nothing under Exceeds Expectations to be an Auror. I can do this, Mum."_

"_And to become a Hit-Wizard?" Hermione choked out. _

"_Only 5 O.W.L's." _

"_And you have eleven." Of all things, a Hit-Wizard? Becoming an Auror was looking pretty good right now. She sighed, picking up her fork and stabbing a piece of meat viciously, "Well, then, what do you think about taking some pointers from your dear old mum?"_

Rigel, in true Gryffindor fashion, had made good on his word and came through on his N.E.W.T.s earning 9 Outstandings.

After the ceremony was over, Hermione pushed her way through the crowd, searching for her son. Finding him, she hugged him fiercely knowing that within in a few weeks he would go off to begin his own training before his official Auror training began in three years time.

"Mum, this Molly Potter." Rigel smiled pushing his friend in front of him.

"_Hermione Granger?_"

"Nice to meet you, Molly." Hermione replied.

"Um, er sorry, it's just, Mum and Dad talk about you all the time." Hermione winced at this knowing she should visit the two sometime.

"And this is Amanda Weasley." Rigel too, pushed her forward.

"Nice to meet you as well, Amanda." Oh, it was a reunion if she had ever been to one.

But – but something wasn't right in the air. Something very familiar had her senses perking up.

With the speed of lightening, Rigel suddenly whipped around, wand already in hand pointed at a dreadfully angry man who was dangerously good looking with dark eyes she knew all too well. Hermione had sensed the recognizable crackling magic in the air too, her hand placed calmly on her own wand.

"_Who are_ _you_?" Sirius Black said in a low voice, his grip on his wand tightening.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Secrets (2/2)**

**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I apologize for the long delay in updating this, life has gotten in the way a bit, and I work 7 days a week now lol so I write when I can. Again, I apologize for any mistake in this chapter, it's unbeta'd. There may or may not be an epilogue, I have yet to decide on that.**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Summary: Hermione reflects on her son's life during his Hogwarts graduation ceremony. HG/SB**

Hermione's grip tightened on her wand. She hadn't seen Sirius this upset since the night she managed to drag herself to Grimmauld Place after Avery had attacked her.

"Again, _who are you_?" Sirius exclaimed, his wand shaking at his pent up anger.

Wordlessly his wand was wrenched from him and landed in Rigel's waiting hand. The younger man snorted at the badge peeking out of the inside of Sirius' cloak, "Some Auror _you_ are."

Sirius' jaw clenched at Rigel's remark. No one made a fool of Sirius Black without paying for it.

She watched as his eyes swept across the group, making sure that this newcomer who looked so much like him didn't pose any real threat. Confused grey eyes settled on her before and snapping back to Rigel.

Still in his hand, Rigel stared down at his father's wand. Hermione watched as his eyes flitted back and forth between the two, the realization quickly dawning on him. Smart boy. Rigel raised his eyes to her, a shocked expression gracing his features.

Hermione gave him a tentative smile.

"_Some Auror you are_," he repeated darkly, tossing the wand at a now very irate Sirius Black before turning on his heel and leaving. Heartbroken, Hermione let him go.

"Now just you wait a minute, boy." Sirius stalked after Rigel his anger evident.

The younger man whipped around faster than she could ever imagine, his wand pointing at Sirius' face. Sirius raised his own, and the two wands crackled with energy.

Hermione watched as Sirius finally looked at Rigel completely. His eyes took in the younger man's entire being. Black hair, tall, a slight aristocratic air about him, his undeniable mirror image of himself. He finally met the younger man's eyes - gray with flecks of brown. A brown that he knew all too well.

Sirius' brow knit as he took in Rigel's dueling stance – it was too familiar. The younger man was obviously light on his feet, elegantly holding his wand lightly so that he could flick it about easily wielding the magic within him.

In contrast, Sirius looked down at his own wand, his grip on it causing his knuckles to whiten. No, this boy's posture was exactly how Hermione's had been – quick and deadly.

His eyes narrowed even more when he remembered how the boy had so expertly stole his wand without so much as even uttering a word. Not even a flick of his wand.

Turning around, Sirius' eyes met Hermione's wholly for the first time in 17 years.

Hermione took a slight step backward at the hard look that Sirius gave her.

He knew. He knew, and now there wasn't anything she could do to protect her son anymore. He knew, and now she was going to have to face her past, present, and more than likely her future within the next 24 hours.

She wanted to run.

She wanted to run like she had the day after Avery had attacked her, when Sirius hadn't been able to protect her. When she had to save herself, killing Avery. When she had come crawling home bruised, bloodied, and beaten so badly she could hardly remember her name. It was a miracle she had managed to remember where 12 Grimmauld Place sat.

_Avery_. Hermione involuntary gritted her teeth at his name. He was the reason she left. He and all of his unfortunate Death Eater followers were the reason why she needed to protect her son.

The day after she had crawled home from the attack, Sirius and Hermione spent a night filled with passion, anger spurring her on. But after that night, she had left, knowing that she couldn't take the danger anymore. She was exhausted beyond belief, the attack only further solidifying this fact. Had she not been so exhausted, she might have had seen it coming, fought back harder. But, the days of tracking rogue Death Eaters had taken it's toll on her, and she left the Wizarding World to recuperate.

Two months later she found out she was pregnant. Seven months after that, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, and with his birth began the tedious task of protecting her small family now.

Now that was all shot to hell.

It wasn't like she didn't know this day was going to come. Eventually Rigel's curiosity about his father would take hold of him and he would seek him out, but this was still too early for Hermione's liking. She wasn't ready herself.

But, no time like the present.

"Hermione, a word please." Sirius directed her out toward the Whomping Willow. At Rigel's worried look, she gave him a small smile letting him know that she would be okay.

Hermione followed his footsteps toward the edge of the grounds, away from the hoard of the newly graduated class and their families, and she couldn't help herself - he hadn't changed a bit. Still devilishly good looking, the bastard. It had been 17 years, and he still didn't look a day older than when she left.

Hermione on the other hand had aged, gracefully she might add, but she still aged. A few more gray hairs (Rigel's antics along with a life of constant fear that someone might find out who they really were would do that) than she would've liked, but she had grown into her own quite nicely.

"I have a son." Wincing at the anger evident in his voice, Hermione let out a sigh. Yes, Sirius Black would pick now of all times to discuss this issue.

"You do." She replied, looking anywhere but him.

"I have a _son_." Sirius repeated, trying to elicit some sort of response from her other than affirmation.

"His name is Rigel." Hermione started. "Rigel Sirius Black. He has your eyes, your temper, your looks, and damn it all, he's as mischievous as anything. You should've seen him when he brought home the map one summer."

Hermione watched as his eyes darkened at her last statement. "Yes, well had I known I had a son, I would've been able to witness such a momentous event as discovering the map." He spat, anger flaring. "I have a son," He said once again, more to himself than anything and taking a few steps back, he shook his head. "A son."

"Yes."

"A son who's life I've missed out on for the past 17 years because of you." Oh, well there it was again– the temper he was so well known for. "A son who I could've seen grown up, take his first steps, say his first _words_, get his wand, watch Quidditch matches with," The dark haired man trailed off before setting his sights on Hermione again. "But, I didn't get that chance." It was said with such finality that Hermione winced.

"Yes, well, I had to do what I had to do, to protect him – to protect us."

"I am your bloody protection," Sirius exclaimed, causing heads to turn their way. "Have you forgotten?"

"How could I not, Sirius?" Hermione ground out. How dare he? Did he really have the audacity to tell her that he could protect them? He proved that he wasn't capable of that the night she was attacked. "Protection? You want to talk about protection? The night I was - " she had stopped short, now was not the time to talk about this. No, later would be much better, perhaps never. She wasn't ready for this. Spending so much energy on blocking out the events of that night, and to just have it ripped out the minute Sirius Black showed up in her life – no, that would not do at all.

"_I have a son_." His hands roughly grasped her arms so tightly she was sure they were going to bruise. He shock her slightly, "I don't even _know_ him."

"If you don't release my mother, you never will." A stern voice off to her side remarked. And there stood Rigel, wand roughly digging into his father's neck, anger flashing in his eyes.

Immediately she was released, and taking a step back Hermione shot a glance off to her side; people were staring now.

"Rigel, now is not the time." Oh Gods, more people were staring, "Lower your wand this instant."

"Mum," her son trailed off, his wand still trained on Sirius.

Hermione huffed before snatching Rigel's wand from his hand and heading back up towards the castle.

Sirius Black. Sirius Black was now back in her life, and she'd be damned if she didn't admit that a small part of her wanted him back.

But no, not after what he did. Or rather, what he didn't do.

"Mum," Rigel started, jogging to catch up with her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to - "

"It's fine, Rigel. It's nothing really. Just let it go." Hermione didn't look at her son, preferring to focus intently on her walk up towards the castle.

"Mum - "

And with Rigel's plea, for his mother to stop, Hermione whipped around, "Rigel, stop." She snapped tersely. A pop was all he heard, as she Apparated away without so much as a goodbye.

"Damn," Rigel looked down, "She still has my wand."

The next few hours were spent fervently pacing her study, silently trying to figure a way out of this _precarious_ situation she found herself in.

Stopping short, Hermione took a deep breath, calming herself. No, she needed to face this problem head on; she had been running from it for far too long now.

But, she knew she couldn't forgive Sirius. Not yet anyway. Seventeen years later, and the anger at his lack of – well, she didn't know what he lacked that night, common sense she supposed –but the anger was still there.

Him and his _stupid_ Firewhiskey, that's where the root of the problem was.

Yes, she had been attacked, curses thrown her way, Avery had even gone as far as using the Cruciatus on her, his form of revenge at her slipping away the first time he tried to assault her. But, in the beginning, when she had considerably more strength (it was only after the second or third time he shot the curse at her did she start to become exceedingly weakened) did she reach out to Sirius, her mind struggling to find his.

Pleading, she called for him, knowing that it had worked before; he had come once, saved her from Avery the first time month's prior. But her pleading went unanswered, and during a break in the torturous pain while Avery ranted, she focused on creating what was around her in his mind, forcing Sirius to see what she was going through.

But, after she managed to haul herself home, had she found out that he had been drinking. Oh, that _damned_ Firewhiskey - he hadn't been coherent enough to recognize the visions she was sending him, or even her voice ringing throughout his head to put them together, to know that she was in trouble.

Never again did she trust him to protect her. If she needed help, Hermione went to Harry or Remus, but never Sirius.

The next night had been a mistake, she knew that much. She hadn't planned on what happened, but all of the pent up anger, (and yes, sexual frustration, she admitted with a blush) got the better of her.

However, had that night never occurred, she wouldn't have Rigel. Sweet, sweet Rigel. Her little boy was now all grown and dealing with adult problems. _Her_ adult problems. No, she needed to face this, not only for herself, but for Rigel too.

Taking a steady breath to calm herself once more, she Apparated to Grimmauld Place. Somehow she knew they would both be there.

The scene that greeted her was exactly what she expected. Rigel and Sirius, both sitting at the kitchen table, mugs in hand, quietly talking. Catching up, maybe? Talking about her, more than likely.

"Sirius," Hermione trailed off, "I think it's about time we talk."

Grey eyes met brown, and he nodded before sending Rigel off. Gesturing to the empty seat next to him, Sirius took a sip of tea.

"I can't forgive you." Hermione blurted, unable to stop herself.

"I know." He stared at her with an infuriating calm demeanor; as if he was ready for her to scold him like a child for what he had done seventeen years ago. "I'm not asking you to." He said after a long paused. "I'm asking you to let me get to know my son."

"I suppose I can't protect Rigel any longer." There were so many things that she wanted to say, wanted to _yell_, rather, but she found she could no longer find the words. Having spent a good portion of her life imagining how this conversation would go – well, this was certainly not one of the ways she had envisioned it.

"You did a damn fine job of raising him." Hermione looked up to him at his omission. "I just wish I had been there to see him grow up."

"You have that chance now."


End file.
